How To Approach A Girl: The Definitive Guide (2018)

If you wonder how to approach a girl for the first time, you’re at the right place.

In this article, we’re going to see how to approach a beautiful women in an attractive way.

stunning womanYou’re going to see how to approach women without being rejected (or at least by maximizing your chance of success, cause a 100% success doesn’t exist).

You’ll know exactly what to say to catch her attention and arouse her interest.

You’ll know what type of approach is most suited depending on the situation and the context.

I’m also going to share with you some fatal mistakes you must avoid at all cost.

Well…

Ready to approach girls as a real man?

Let’s go…

The very first things when you approach in a girl:

Before talking about the approach in itself, let’s start laying some solid foundations that will allow you to successfully approach women.

So make sure you master those key points… :

1) Be proud of your approach:

how to approach a girl for the first timeMany men are ashamed of approaching girls.

They talk with a little voice. For fear of being heard by other people…

They constantly ask to themselves what the girl is going to think about them…

They tell to themselves that the girl is going to reject them…

That’s why they fail even before they approach the girl.

And quite often, they don’t even dare to approach.

There is something you must understand:

To approach girls in a solid way, beliefs are crucial.

The first times I tried to approach girls I didn’t know, I found it extremely difficult to take the leap.

I was persuaded that the girl I wanted to approach would find me ridiculous… That I would get rejected like a loser… That the girl in question was out of my league.

In short, a whole bunch of thoughts that was holding me back.

And one day, I took the leap.

I finally had the guts to approach this stunning girl.

Alright, without success, but for me it was an immense victory.

And now, at the time I’m writing these lines, I have no more issues approaching the girls I find attractive.

Cause I tuned my beliefs.
And my new beliefs grew stronger and stronger thanks to a lot of practice.

It helps a lot to have positive and supportive beliefs that are in line with what you want to accomplish.
It push you toward your goals.

On the other hand, negative and limiting beliefs hold you back. They block action.

So think about it:

Be convinced that women love to be approached by men like you.
Be convinced that they enjoy your company.

Now let’s dive into more technical details, by moving to the second key of a successful approach…

2) Eliminate passion-killer:

Now we’re going to talk about mistakes you should avoid at all costs.

If you make those mistakes, it’s very likely that you’ll have some trouble attracting and exciting the girls you want to seduce.

You’ll find some of those mistakes quite obvious, some others a bit less.

But before talking about those mistakes, let’s deal with this question:

Do you have to be handsome to attract girls?

Many men falsly believe that in order to successful with women, they need to be handsome.

This belief is constantly reinforced by this whole bunch of movies and magazines on which we can see handsome men hooking up with stunning women.

This belief is also reinforced by the fact that in our modern societies, pretty girls often appear to be in couple with “pretty” guys.

But here’s what you need to understand:

Girls are not attracted to the physical beauty of those guys, but by their self-confidence, their status and their aura.

They have been able to acquire an increased level of self-confidence thanks to their pretty appearance, unlike the less pretty men to whom people have been paying less attention since childhood.

Without mentioning that being pretty can is an indicator of higher social status:

We have a natural tendency to see a pretty man as a man who is more likely to be socially successful, compared to the other men.

That’s why a man with a pretty appearance will often get more time (but only a few secs more, max) at the beginning of the interaction, when trying to catch the attention of the girl.

But that’s all.

It stops there.

Being pretty doesn’t give you a bigger advantage than this.

I’ve seen a lot of pretty men struggle to attract girls.
And I’ve seen a lot of ugly men successfully attract and captivate stunning girls.

And you know what?

Being beautiful has one disadvantage: being seen as a skirt chaser. Being seen as a guy who is not serious.

Which leads girls to be more suspicious.

Which can also lead girl to expect more from you, compared to an average looking guy.
A self-confident average looking man is more impressing than a self-confident beautiful man.

how to approach a girl you don't know

Have in mind that the most important thing to attract girls is your vibe. Your masculine vibe. Not your physical beauty.

To convince you, I invite you to have a look at all those stunning girl / ugly guy couples in Eastern Europe.

You’ll also find such couples in the US if you take the time to look around.

Being able to radiate masculine energy is one of the keys that’ll allow you to approach stunning girls in a solid way, without being rejected.

That said, there are some traps linked to your appearance that you must avoid.

Those traps might seem obvious to you, but they’re so important that I couldn’t not mention them.

By falling into those traps, you communicate to the girl that you have low social value.

In other words, it gets the girl to think that she might be out of your league.

And it kills the attraction that could exist between you and her.

Here are those traps:

Bad breath:

Bad breath is repulsive.
It communicates that you have low social value.

So make sure you don’t have a disgusting breath.

You must understand that smelling its own smell is hard. Since we’re used to it.

So don’t hesitate to ask some of your friends to tell you honestly if you smell okay, or if you smell like shit.

And if in spite of the fact that you regularly brush your teeth, you still have bad breath, use a dental floss. It’s quite effective.

You might also want to carry refreshing chewing-gums with you, in case of emergency 😉

Bad dental hygiene:

It’s quite obvious that if you have rotten teeth, you’ll be seen as a guy who of low social value or as a bum.

Not to mention the horrible breath…

So make sure your dental hygiene is correct.

And consult a dentist if you have to.

Hairs in your nose of in your ears:

Apparent hairs going out of your nose or of your ears communicates low social value.

A man who has an active social life would get some comments everyday about those hairs.

The good news is that you just need some tweezers or some small scissors to sort this out.

Hair:

Make sure you have a hair cut that is not repelling nor nerdy.

If you need some examples, you can have a look at some fashion magazines for men. But when looking at those magazines, always take a step back, because you’ll find a lot of shit there.

If you have baldness and that you’re not comfortable with this, various solutions exist : completely shave your head, micro-pigmentation, anti hair loss treatment, or even hair transplant (I prefer the first solution, that is much simpler and more natural).

Clothes:

attractive manWhether you like it or not, clothes are the reflexion of your social status.

If you dress like a bum, you’ll be seen as a bum.

If you dress like a business man, you’ll be seen as a business man.

Those two examples are obviously a bit extreme, but it’s precisely so that you can understand the impact your look can have on how people perceive you.

Have in mind that the girl you’re going to approach has only those visual elements to form a first opinion of yourself.

So make sure you dress in a way that conveys a certain social status.

If you need some inspiration, you can have a look at some blogs on the subject.

Simply put, dress as a grown up guy, proper and tidy. And not like a teenager or a creepy.

Well…

The traps we just saw may seem obvious to you, but they’re so important that I couldn’t not mention them.

Now that we have gone through those fatal mistakes, we can move to the third key of a successful approach…

3) Adjust your body language:

Your body language is – along with your clothing – the first thing the woman you approach is going to see.

The way you move your body, your facial expression, your look… are all communication channels through which goes a significant part of your message.

More than 70% of your message is non-verbal.
Less than 30% of your message is verbal.

Hence the importance to adopt a body language that helps you attract the girl you’re talking to.

You must adopt a body language that helps you deliver the right message and the right emotions.

Now, you probably noticed that you can find a lot of conflicting advice about body language on the internet…

Some pseudo-coaches or pseudo-experts will tell you that it’s better to stand in a certain way, to sit in a certain way, etc.

And because of all of that advice, many men are completely lost.

Don’t do too much brainstorming with all this.

Adopting an attracting body language is simpler that you imagine:

A confident body language is simply a calm et relaxed body language.

You may very well cross your arms or put your hands in your pockets and at the same time radiate self-confidence and high social value.

And on the contrary, you may very well stand in a dominant way but look insecure.

The key here is to evacuate all the tension that is in your body.

Make low and fluid movements. Relaxed and not stress-triggered movements.

Adopt a calm and peaceful facial expression by relaxing your face muscles.

But that’s not all…

Your look also plays a key role:

Look at the girl right into the eyes.
Stare at one of her eyes and maintain the eye contact when talking to her.

This way, she’ll find you captivating.

And of course, don’t forget to smile when you approach the girl 🙂

Ideally, the girl must know why you approach her even before you open your mouth.

Those game-changing pickup lines…

Forget everything you read on game and picking up girls.

how to approach a girl in a club

Don’t try to learn by heart pickup lines found on the web. Cause those lines have been over-used.

They have been used so many times by all sort of guys that women have started to get used to them.

By approaching a girl using such a line, you’d get caught for what you would have done (or not done): not being able to create a unique pickup line to approach a girl you want to meet. Such a lame…

Now you probably wonder what to say to a girl in order to successfully approach her…

I’m getting to that…

You’re going to use a contextual pickup line:

You’re going to approach the girl by using an element of the context.

For instance an element of the environment, an element of the situation, an element of the girl’s clothing, etc.

By using a contextual pickup line, your approach will seem much more natural (and unique) to the girl you’ll approach.

The advantage of such an approach is that it is tailored to the girl and the situation. It is not a pat little phrase that you repeat like you were playing a role.

2 ways to approach a girl:

There are two ways you can approach a girl:

  • Direct approach
  • Indirect approach

A direct approach consists in declaring to the girl that you find her attractive, during your first words.

For instance:

  • “I think your gorgeous”
  • “I think you look really nice”
  • “I like your style”
  • Etc.

With an indirected approach, on the other hand, you don’t declare immediately to the girl that you find her attractive.

It would for instance sound more like this:

  • “What did you buy?” (if you decide to use her shopping bag to create to contextual pickup line)
  • “What do you read?” (if you decide to use the magazine she’s reading to approach her)
  • “I like your trousers, where did you buy them? A friend of mine has her birthday party next week and I plan to buy her something sexy.”

No matter the approach you’re going to use, customize it.
It must be unique.

The girl you approach shouldn’t feel that she’s the twentieth girl you approach in the day.

Now what kind of approach it’s best to use?

I asked myself the very same question when I first took interest into game and all this stuff on how to pick up girls.

I struggled to identify which kind of approach I should be using.

Do I have to use a direct approach or an indirect approach?
Which one is best?

It’s actually quite simple…

• To approach a girl on the street, use a direct approach:

When you decide to approach a random girl on the street, there is something you must have in mind…

What are girls doing when they are on the street?

how to approach a girl on the street

They’re walking.
They’re moving.
They’re heading from point A to point B.

Your target is not here to have fun like she would in a club or in a bar.
And she probably doesn’t have the time for that.

That’s why you shouldn’t use indicted approches to approach random girls on the street.

Prefer to use a direct approach.
Simple.
Effective.

The girl you approach will immediately understand that you won’t make her lose her time. And that you’re not a weak guy who tries to pickup girls by asking for directions or other things to avoid direct game.

You are a man who has a life.
And that’s why you don’t lose your time with weak approaches that weak guys use.

On the street, or in any other public place where the girl I want to approach is moving, I approach her with a direct approach.

I right away express the fact that I find her attractive.
She knows why I’m here.

I don’t use roundabout ways to initiate a first contact.
I’m straight with her.

I approach her by paying her a customized compliment, and then I use her answer to get the conversation flowing.

This kind of approach is the best to meet women on the street or in other public places during the day.

And if the girl rejects you, the next one is never far.

In the street, you can approach girls by taking risks (i.e. by being straight). Much more than in clubs or bars: indeed, in the street there are an unlimited supply of women to approach. There’s plenty of more fish in the sea 😉

• To approach a girl at a party, use an indirect approach:

In a club, in a bar, etc. Girls come to have some good time. They go out to have fun.

Usually they go out with friends. Sometimes girls only, sometimes they bring men.

how to approach a girl in public

If you use a direct approach to meet a girl in this context, you’re likely to have a hard time.

Her friends will get in your way (to protect her friend, or because they’re jealous, or for whatever other reason…).

Your target will also undermine your efforts in order to protect her reputation (she doesn’t want to be seen as an easy girl by her friends).

That’s why you’re going to use an indirect approach.

That way, she (and her friends) will be much less on the defensive. And they won’t see you as a crazy pickup artist who try to pickup every girl in the club.

Another benefit of using an indirect approach to open girls at a party is that you won’t get rejected.
That way, the other girls aren’t likely to see you being rejected over and over like a desperate guy.

On the contrary, by using an indirect approach you’ll be able to use all your time to seduce your target, while being checked out by the other girls of the party, who will see you as a high value man in good company 😉

Once you’ve engaged in conversation with the girl and with her friends, all you have to do is get the conversation flowing.

• And to approach a girl in college or in office?

I use an indirect approach.

I arrange to be at the same place as the girl when we both have some time to talk:

At the coffee machine, at the cafeteria, at the smoking spot (I don’t smoke, but sometimes it can be useful to strike up a conversation with a girl), in front of a classroom, while waiting a professor, etc…

girls coffee shopThen I gradually sexualize the interaction.

By complimenting the girl, or sometimes by touching her.

A direct approach is not appropriate here because there is too much social pressure (unless the campus is very big and that you won’t come across the girl again).

You must not rush things.

You’re probably going to bump into this girl everyday or everyweek.

You can take your time.

The same goes if you want to approach a girl in the gym.

So let’s sum it up:

  • To approach a girl on the street, use a direct pickup line
  • To approach a girl in a club or in a bar (or at any other party), use an indirect pickup line
  • To approach a girl in college or at work, use an indirect pickup line

And what is the girl rejects me?

A girl rejects you. So what?

There are so many other girls waiting for you out there.

And you know what?

approaching tipsYou’ll be rejected.

Again and again.

And it’s completely normal.

Treat rejection like a victory.

Because if you get rejected, it means that you’ve tried.

It means that you faced your fear and acted as a man by approaching a woman you found attractive.

Now you may be wondering: “And what if she tells her friends about it or that her friends see me being rejected?”

I understand that it can harm in some way your reputation (especially in college or in high school) and that it can frighten you. So here is what you can do to prevent this:

You can simply use an indirected approach. Or approach the girl when she’s alone (that way there won’t be any social pressure coming from her friends).

It is rare that a girl rejects you in a way that really harms your reputation. At worse, you’ll get the “I have a boyfriend…”

And it’s possible that she does’t even talk about it.

And if she talks about it, it’s not necessarily going to harm your reputation:

Either way, you’ll be seen as a guy who has the balls to approach a girl he likes. In a proper way. And girls like that.

Stay solid,
Jack


Top