How To Approach A Girl: The Definitive Guide [2023]
If you’re wondering how to approach a girl for the first time, you’ve come to the right place.
In this article, you’re going to learn how to approach beautiful women in an attractive way.
You’re going to see how to approach women without being rejected (or at least maximizing your chances of success, because no one has a 100 percent success rate).
You’ll know exactly what to say to catch her attention and arouse her interest.
You’ll know what type of approach is best suited to the situation and the context.
I’m also going to share with you some fatal mistakes to avoid at all costs.
Well…
Ready to approach girls as a real man?
Let’s go…
Table of Contents
The very first things to do when you approach a girl:
Before talking about the approach itself, let’s start laying some solid foundations that will allow you to successfully approach women.
So make sure you master these key points…
1) Be proud of your approach:
Many men are ashamed to approach girls.
They talk softly out of fear of being overheard…
They constantly ask themselves what the girl is going to think of them…
They tell themselves that the girl is going to reject them…
That’s why they fail even before they approach the girl.
And quite often they don’t even dare to approach.
There is something you must understand:
To approach girls in a solid way, your beliefs are crucial.
The first few times I tried to approach girls I didn’t know, I found it extremely difficult to take the leap.
I’d convinced myself that the girl I wanted to approach would find me ridiculous…that I would get rejected like a loser…that the girl in question was out of my league.
In short, a whole bunch of thoughts that were holding me back.
And one day, I took the leap.
I finally had the guts to approach this stunning girl.
I didn’t succeed, but nonetheless, it was an immense victory.
And now, at the time I’m writing this, I have no issues approaching the girls I find attractive.
Because I changed my beliefs.
And my new beliefs grew stronger and stronger thanks to a lot of practice.
It helps a lot to have positive and supportive beliefs that are in line with what you want to accomplish.
These beliefs will push you to accomplish your goals.
On the other hand, negative and limiting beliefs hold you back. They keep you from acting.
So think about it:
Be convinced that women love to be approached by men like you.
Be convinced that they enjoy your company.
Read: How To Make The First Move On A Girl
Now let’s dive into more technical details by moving to the second aspect of a successful approach…
2) Eliminate passion-killers:
Now we’re going to talk about mistakes you should avoid at all costs.
If you make these mistakes, it’s very likely that you’ll have some trouble attracting the girls you want to seduce.
You’ll find some of these mistakes quite obvious, some others less so.
But before talking about these mistakes, let’s deal with this question:
Do you have to be handsome to attract girls?
Many men falsely believe that in order to successful with women, they need to be handsome.
This belief is constantly reinforced by a whole bunch of movies and magazines in which we can see handsome men hooking up with stunning women.
This belief is also reinforced by the fact that in our modern society, pretty girls often appear to be paired up with “pretty” guys.
But here’s what you need to understand:
Girls are not attracted to the physical beauty of those guys, but by their self-confidence, their status, and their aura.
They have been able to acquire an increased level of self-confidence thanks to their pretty appearance, unlike the less-pretty men to whom people have been paying less attention since childhood.
Without mentioning that being handsome is an indicator of higher social status:
We have a natural tendency to see a handsome man as more likely to be socially successful compared to other men.
That’s why a man with a pretty appearance will often get more time (but only a few seconds more, max) at the beginning of an interaction with a girl.
But that’s all.
It stops there.
Being pretty doesn’t give you any other advantage aside from this.
I’ve seen a lot of pretty men struggle to attract girls.
And I’ve seen a lot of ugly men successfully attract and captivate stunning girls.
And you know what?
Being beautiful even has a disadvantage: being seen as a skirt-chaser. Being seen as a guy who is not serious.
Which leads girls to be more suspicious of you.
Which can also lead girls to expect more from you compared to an average-looking guy.
A self-confident, average-looking man is more impressive than a self-confident, beautiful man.
Keep in mind that the most important thing you need to attract girls is your vibe. Your masculine vibe. Not your physical beauty.
To convince you, I invite you to have a look at all those stunning girl/ugly guy couples in Eastern Europe.
You’ll also find such couples in the U.S. if you take the time to look around.
Being able to radiate masculine energy is one of the keys to approaching stunning girls in a solid way, without being rejected.
That said, there are some traps linked to your appearance that you must avoid.
These traps might seem obvious to you, but they’re so important that I can’t not mention them.
By falling into these traps, you communicate to the girl that you have low social value.
In other words, it gets the girl to think that she might be out of your league.
And it kills the attraction that could exist between you and her.
Here are those traps:
❌ Bad breath:
Bad breath is repulsive.
It communicates that you have low social value.
So make sure you don’t have disgusting breath.
You must understand that smelling your own breath is hard, since you’re used to it.
So don’t hesitate to ask some of your friends to honestly tell you if you smell okay or like shit.
And if you still have bad breath despite the fact that you regularly brush your teeth, use dental floss. It’s quite effective.
You might also want to carry chewing gum with you in case of an emergency ;).
❌ Bad dental hygiene:
It’s quite obvious that if you have rotten teeth, you’ll be seen as a guy of low social value or a bum.
Not to mention the horrible breath…
So make sure your dental hygiene is top-notch.
Visit a dentist if you have to.
❌ Nose and ear hairs:
Hairs jutting out of your nose or ears communicates low social value.
A man who has an active social life will have people remarking on those hairs every day.
The good news is that you just need some tweezers or a small pair of scissors to sort this out.
❌ Nerdy hair:
Make sure you have a haircut that is neither repelling nor nerdy.
If you need some examples, take a look at some men’s fashion magazines. But when looking at those magazines, always read with a critical eye, because you’ll find a lot of bullshit in them.
If you are balding and not comfortable with it, there are a number of solutions: completely shaving your head, micro-pigmentation, hair-loss treatment, or even hair transplants (I prefer the first solution; it is the simplest and most natural-looking).
❌ Bad clothes:
Whether you like it or not, clothes reflect your social status.
If you dress like a bum, you’ll be seen as a bum.
If you dress like a businessman, you’ll be seen as a businessman.
Those two examples are obviously a bit extreme, but they will help you understand the impact your look has on how people perceive you.
Keep in mind that the girl you’re going to approach has only these visual elements to use when forming her initial opinion of you.
So make sure you dress in a way that conveys high social status.
If you need some inspiration, you can have a look at some men’s fashion blogs.
Simply put, dress like a grownup: proper and tidy, not like a teenager or a weirdo.
Well…
The traps we just looked at may seem obvious to you, but they’re so important that I had to point them out.
Now that we have gone through these fatal mistakes, we can move to the third aspect of a successful approach…
3) Adjust your body language:
Your body language is, along with your clothing, the first thing the woman you approach is going to see.
The way you move your body, your facial expression, your look…all of these subconsciously communicate what kind of a man you are.
More than 70 percent of human communication is non-verbal.
Less than 30 percent of human communication is verbal.
Hence why it is important to adopt body language that helps you attract the girl you’re talking to.
You must adopt body language that helps you deliver the right message and emotions.
Now, you’ve probably noticed that there is a lot of conflicting advice about body language on the Internet…
Some pseudo-coaches or pseudo-experts will tell you that it’s better to stand in a certain way, to sit in a certain way, etc.
And because of all of that advice, many men are completely lost.
Don’t overcomplicate this issue.
Adopting attracting body language is simpler than you imagine:
Confident body language is simply appearing calm and relaxed.
With proper body language, you can cross your arms or put your hands in your pockets and still radiate self-confidence and high social value.
On the other hand, you can stand in a dominant way but still look insecure.
The key here is to release all the tension that is in your body.
Make slow and fluid movements. Relaxed movements, not stress-triggered ones.
Adopt a calm and peaceful appearance by relaxing your face muscles.
But that’s not all…
Your look also plays a key role:
Look the girl right in her eyes.
Stare at one of her eyes and maintain eye contact when talking to her.
This way, she’ll find you captivating.
And of course, don’t forget to smile when you approach the girl 🙂
Ideally, the girl must know why you approached her even before you open your mouth.
Related: How To Tell If She Likes You
Those game-changing pickup lines…
Forget everything you’ve read on game and picking up girls.
Don’t try to memorize pickup lines found on the web, because those lines have been overused.
They have been used so many times by all sorts of guys that women laugh at them.
If you approach a girl using a canned, overused line, you’ll be revealed as a phony for not being able to come up with a line of your own to approach girls. How lame…
Now, you’re probably wondering what to say to a girl in order to successfully approach her…
I’m getting to that…
You’re going to use a contextual pickup line:
You’re going to approach the girl by using an element of her appearance and/or your surroundings.
For example, you can comment on your environment, the specific situation you’re in, the girl’s clothing, and so on.
By using a contextual pickup line, your approach will seem much more natural (and unique) to the girl you’re approaching.
The advantage of such an approach is that it is tailored to the girl and the environment she’s in. It is not a canned little phrase that you repeat like you are playing a role.
Two ways to approach a girl:
There are two ways you can approach a girl:
- Direct approach
- Indirect approach
A direct approach consists of declaring to the girl that you find her attractive in your initial encounter.
For instance:
- “I think you’re gorgeous.”
- “I think you look really nice.”
- “I like your style.”
Related: How To Pull A Girl
With an indirect approach, on the other hand, you don’t immediately declare to the girl that you find her attractive.
For instance, here are some common indirect openers:
- “What did you buy?” (if you decide to use her shopping bag to create a contextual pickup line)
- “What are you reading?” (if you decide to use the magazine she’s reading to approach her)
- “I like your trousers, where did you buy them? A friend of mine has her birthday party next week and I plan to buy her something sexy.”
No matter the approach you’re going to use, customize it.
It must be unique.
The girl you approach shouldn’t feel like she’s the twentieth girl you approached that day.
Now, what kind of approach is best to use?
I asked myself the very same question when I first took an interest in game and all this stuff on how to pick up girls.
I struggled to identify which kind of approach I should be using.
Do I have to use a direct approach or an indirect approach?
Which one is best?
It’s actually quite simple…
👉 To approach a girl on the street, use a direct approach:
When you decide to approach a random girl on the street, there is something you must consider…
What are girls doing when they are on the street?
They’re walking.
They’re moving.
They’re heading from point A to point B.
Your target is not here to have fun like she would in a club or in a bar.
And she probably doesn’t have the time for that.
That’s why you shouldn’t use indirect approaches to approach random girls on the street.
You should use a direct approach.
Simple.
Effective.
The girl you approach will immediately understand that you’re not wasting her time, and that you’re not a weak guy who tries to pick up girls by asking for directions or other things to avoid a direct approach.
You are a man who has a life.
And that’s why you don’t waste your time with weak approaches that weak guys use.
On the street, or in any other public place where the girl I want to approach is moving, I approach her with a direct opener.
I express the fact that I find her attractive right away.
She knows why I’m here.
I don’t use roundabout ways to initiate first contact.
I’m straight with her.
I approach her by giving her a customized compliment, and then I use her answer to get the conversation flowing (the compliment is one of the ways to turn a woman on, like I show you in this other article).
This kind of approach is best when meeting women on the street or in other public places during the day.
And if the girl rejects you, the next one is never far away.
In the street, you can approach girls by taking risks (i.e. by being honest), more so than in clubs or bars. Indeed, there’s an unlimited supply of women to approach on the street. There’s plenty of fish in the sea ;).
👉 To approach a girl at a party, use an indirect approach:
In a club, in a bar, etc., girls come to have a good time. They go out to have fun.
Usually, they go out with friends. Sometimes girls only, sometimes with men.
If you use a direct approach to meet a girl in this context, you’re likely to have a hard time.
Her friends will get in your way (to protect her friend, or because they’re jealous, or for whatever other reason…)
Your target will also undermine your efforts in order to protect her reputation (she doesn’t want to be seen as easy by her friends).
Read: How To Talk To Girls At Parties
That’s why you’re going to use an indirect approach.
That way, she (and her friends) will be less defensive. And they won’t see you as a crazy pickup artist who tries to hit on every girl in the club.
Another benefit of using an indirect approach to open girls at a party is that you won’t get openly rejected.
That way, other girls won’t see you being blown out over and over like a loser.
Indeed, by using an indirect approach, you’ll be able to use your time to seduce your target, all while being checked out by other girls at the party, who will see you as a high value man in good company.
Once you’ve engaged in conversation with the girl and with her friends, all you have to do is get the conversation flowing.
👉 And if you want to approach a girl in college or at the office?
I use an indirect approach.
I arrange to be at the same place as the girl when we both have some time to talk:
At the coffee machine, at the cafeteria, at the smoking area (I don’t smoke, but sometimes it can be useful to strike up a conversation with a girl the), in front of a classroom, while waiting for a professor, etc…
Then I gradually sexualize the interaction.
I do this by complimenting the girl, or sometimes by touching her.
A direct approach is not appropriate here because there is too much social pressure (unless the campus is very big and you’re not likely to come across the girl again).
You must not rush things.
You’re probably going to bump into this girl every day or every week.
You can take your time.
The same goes if you want to approach a girl in the gym.
So let’s sum it up:
- To approach a girl on the street, use a direct pickup line.
- To approach a girl in a club or in a bar (or in any other party environment), use an indirect pickup line.
- To approach a girl in college or at work, use an indirect pickup line.
Related: The Best Pickup Lines To Get A Girl
And what if the girl rejects me?
A girl rejects you. So what?
There are so many other girls waiting for you out there.
And you know what?
You’ll be rejected.
Again and again.
And it’s completely normal.
Treat rejection like a victory.
Because if you get rejected, it means that you’ve tried.
It means that you faced your fear and acted as a man by approaching a woman you found attractive.
Now, you may be wondering: “And what if she tells her friends about it or her friends see her rejecting me?”
I understand that rejections can sometimes harm your reputation (especially in college or in high school) and that they can frighten you. So here is what you can do to prevent this:
You can simply use an indirect approach, or approach the girl when she’s alone (that way there won’t be any social pressure coming from her friends).
It is rare that a girl will reject you in a way that seriously harms your reputation. At worse, you’ll get the “I have a boyfriend” line.
And it’s possible that she won’t even talk about it.
And if she talks about it, it’s not necessarily going to harm your reputation:
Either way, you’ll be seen as a guy who has the balls to approach a girl he likes. In a proper way. And girls like that.
[MUST-READ] Be DOMINANT with Women: Know How to MASTER Them (In Everyday Life) to Make Them Fantasize About You
If you enjoyed this article (and even if you didn’t), you’ll love this other extensive post I recently published:
There’s something you need to understand:
Women want to be submissive.
They fantasize about sexual submission.
And when they meet a dominant man who has the potential to satisfy their submission fantasies, it makes them desire him intensely.
Sounds shocking or surprising to you?
Keep reading…
Today, you’re going to learn how to master women in a way that will turn them on.
You’re going to learn how to dominate women to make them wet with desire.
And NOT just in bed:
You’re going to implement this in other contexts and environments, be it after an approach, on a date, at a party, and more.
You’re going to implement this in your everyday life with the women you like so that they see you as a powerful dominant male who is able to satisfy their desires and take them to seventh heaven.
These actions you’re going to implement daily with the girls you want will lead them to see you as THE man to date.
You’ll stand out.
Women will see you as a potential lover and as a good lay (and that’s a bit of an understatement).
However, there are things you need to understand first.
You’ve got to be ready to try certain things that are a bit bold (more or less depending on the girl and the situation).
It's all there:
Stay solid,
Jack
